I can’t fathom how this first one got approved let alone a sequel! Oh wait… here’s how “reviews from top critics, wild cheers from audiences around the country, and $10 million in its opening weekend boxoffice” …. Fuck you Dimension Films… Fuck you!  I will give props that this movie is doing much more than I expected.  I was ready for another Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus type film.  However, I am personally getting tired of all these mind-numbing horror/action/romance/ every other frickin movie released any more, kind of movies.  What is Hollywood doing these days?!

“PIRANHA 3D opened with fantastic reviews from top critics like the ASSOCIATED PRESS and REUTERS, enjoying a very FRESH rating of 80-82% favorable reviews on the popular movie review site ROTTEN TOMATOES throughout it’s opening weekend” ….. Wait what?! 80-82% range on rotten tomatoes?!?! DONE!!  This just finalizes that I was right. The general public has become zombies.  Mindless meat sacks that are incapable of utilizing their brain functions for much else other then breeding and consuming food.  If this movie can keep such a high rating review, I think we’re done for.

What happened to those movies that actually made you think?  Only film I have seen in the last year, possibly longer, that was so awesome that it kept me in awe days later, has been ‘Inception’.  It’s a smart film and requires you to pay attention.  Christopher Nolen is my newly appointed savior.  He has made many brilliant films in the past (Memento, Dark Knight) and is continuing to do so now.  Thank you Nolan.

**Disclaimer**

Piranha  is owned by Dimension Films.

**Information**

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=69034

Email your ideas to me at kevin@thetab.theaxalon.com

Or just comment!  Look forward and I’m slightly excited about this!

As I sit here in this large dark building, with just the faintest lighting that gives everything an ominous look, I realize I gotta take a wicked piss.  Only lighting I have is my cell. Backlight gets turn up to its brightest setting as I walk in the dark room. Set the phone face up on the stall as I start my business.

While taking what begins to feel like the longest piss of my life, my zombie paranoia sets in. Comic relief guy goes off solo to do his thing, finds himself in a completely dark room save for the backlight of his phone. Next thing you know a zombie bursts through the stall and I’ve just become a human snack pack.

Come back to the only person who would go before me (duh black d00d), and share my lil bathroom excursion. We share some lols but my paranoia has yet to settle. The movie kick is still rolling.

We have just enough lighting to only see the outline of each other, but you can still feel the lights fading as the backup batteries are drained. The eerie background noises of fellow zombie victims walking the floor, sounds of metal rolling around, various other ominous sounds that set you on high alert.  The worst part is all these sounds are faint, barely passable as noise. Its that soft background sounds that set you on edge just before shit hits the fan.

As we discuss this our maintenance man says he can make it better by getting a wireless saw. Blackman responds with “aw hell naw, then I’m definitely gone”. I retort with “and I personally want him to last as long as he can. Once the black man goes, I’m next on the food chain”

To make it even better we have one our guys here walking around the site.  He has a distinct characteristic about him that if glanced at you quickly follow with a double take to see this man hobbling toward you with a slight limp. My mind quickly reacts with the z fear, as his outline stalks closer.

We sit around having lols trying to suppress this overacting imagination of mine as the juice from our backup batteries feeding the already dim light is fully drained. We decide to walk towards our SA area in hopes there is some lighting there.  Flashlight on and legs marching wearily forward, we pass the entrance of the datacenter… with another of our guys lounging in a chair, legs propped up on the hand rail.

My mind flashes with many different scenes that could be placed here, mostly involving body parts thrown around, hanging from various locations.  Blood all over the wall. As reality sinks back in, I join my fellow co-worker in the dark.

There are loud bangs and thunderous roars, again my cinematic imagination kicks in.  Super zombies!  Lights come on, I turn to see the floor swarming with the decaying carcasses of those who were stuck in the warehouse death trap. Images fade to an empty floor. We go to the datacenter to start powering up servers.  Another roar is sounded as power fails us, teasing us.

So many more scenes run through my head.  Maybe zombies flood the server room since our door is wide open.  Or a suspenseful scene of a body getting thrown around in a bloody mess in front of the huge data center window, just before the power goes again.  I’m filled with ideas as we walk out to the floor.

Back to where we were, only the emergency light batteries managed to charge enough to bring back our depressing and ominous scene. My mental masterpiece has reached its climax.  The scenes come flooding with possible exit strategies as well as the horrific onslaught of living dead, but alas short lived as power is restored and the work begins. Reality is back and my imagination numbed by the task at hand.  I should go to Hollywood and drop this computer stuff =P

Yes this is a tad out of character, but you know what…. if you have a problem you can suck it <3 =D

So as I said I was going to get this Frankenstein movie that was based off the Dean Koontz series.  Well, the movie came in some time ago and I was honestly afraid to watch it.  After some time of sitting on my ass staring at the case, I popped it in my PS3 and forced myself to watch it.  First impression….. omgwtfbbq….

The opening scene is on a cruise liner.  I understand that the movies are never like the book, but really.  This one STARTS off wrong even.  We can’t even get the monk temple in Tibet right.   To make it better, that opening scene looked like it was shot with an every day camera you’d find laying around in your attic.  So first impression… this is going to be a very 88 minutes.

To be completely honest, when the movie was over, I was more impartial.  I mean it wasn’t HORRID, was just low budget.  You could tell from the start the movie was very low budget.  Acting was mediocre, nothing over the top great, but it wasn’t Twilight either.  These characters actually had emotion to them and actually tried to express them.  When it was all done and said my only real complaint was that it was rushed.  Too much too fast and never a moment to stop and collect you thoughts over what just happened, just scene to scene to get it over.  While still debating on the movie, I watched the “In the making” part of the DVD.  This gave me some extra insight and definitely helped pin my actual opinion on the film.

It was actually filmed in 20 days.  Yeah, you heard right.  20 fucking days to film this movie.  Thats it! It was earlier today that I realized that this was also originally made for a TV movie only and later on went to DVD.  Though the real thing that made me respect the movie, were the people who put it all together.  You watch them making the scenes and getting the director’s thoughts on it all, as well as the actors, set builders, stunt doubles, ect… They all had a lot of fun.  They really enjoyed what they were doing and played with it.

My over all thoughts were: Sure, its not great acting and was rushed.  The movie looked like it was made with a low grade camera, but meh.  I had to respect it for what it was.  Low budget film for tv.  You can’t get great with those and I still admire the enthusiasm EVERY one had for the movie and their parts in it.  For the length of time that they were able to get this done, again I have to admire them and their work.

On an off note. I’m coming home in a month.  I’m looking forward to the Abby Road concert this year =D

So any who, I was suggested reading this book some time ago.  Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein.   After a decent amount of time, a dude I work with happen to bring it up.  Told me he has it and already read it.  He too suggested me reading it and that I would really enjoy it.  So the guy brings it in and I read it.  I was a little shocked honestly.

When I was first told of this book by Elder, I wondered, how would one go about re-writing a Frankenstein novel.  Just to find out it was a trilogy O.O  I had a scary image of  ’Van Helsing’ [shudders]  I’m still in awe that they managed to make Frankenstein work in that story >.<

So the book starts off with the main character (the monster himself) in a monk temple in Tibet…… sure because that makes sense?  He likes to do this trick for a monk, making a coin disappear… Because all monsters should have this skill?  OH! and he thinks the lightning that brought him to life gave him the understanding of the quantum works of the universe and can take a single step on one side of the planet, and end up in New Orleans…. Just because thats fucking awesome!…. well minus the New Orleans part.  Of all cities to let this epic creature roam (or quantum leap) around, why New Orleans?  Meh to each their own I suppose.  At least it isn’t the usual city that destruction usually takes place.

We’re also given these two cops who are quite the pair.  We have the funny guy cop, and the over enthusiastic, my dad was a bad cop, stern, over powering chick.  OF COARSE!!! Because anything else would be too clichéd, specially since we weren’t given the clichéd city of destruction. We have our controlling, perfectionist bad guy, Victor Helios(Frankenstein), who is your every day atheist pushing his anti-god beliefs on you knowing you are wrong and nothing else but his opinion matters.  This autistic creation of the fucknuts Frankenstein, that wants to rip the secrets of happiness from this OTHER autistic kid he found in a news clipping (lovely right?).  Over all we have a wonderful cast of misfits and psycho’s.

Despite my slight bashing of the characters, it was honestly a good book.  I really enjoyed it and went into so research to find out about the other books.  While doing this, I find something appalling and absolutely horrific.  ”Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein: The movie”……..MOTHER@#!@$FUCKING ASS^%$^#WHIPE@#!@#SHIT$#%^&*(MONKEY)(*&!!!! [Starts to cry] I was only joking when I said a movie would be cool! Well fuck me sidways… I am gonna have to see this now. Away to Amazon I go >.<

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Alas Disney has done it again… They give Tim Burton rights to a movie he should not have created.  With the hopes of him recreating Alice in Wonderland as it should be, not that crazy, fucked up, horrible acid trip with absinthe, meth, and speed… mixed with what I would assume to be cute and cuddly creatures but due to the (see list of narcotics listed prior) of shit storm cartoon Disney made many years back… We get this.  This “sequel” to the psychotic dream world of a girl who fell down a rabbit hole.  So… lets begin -_-

-=SPOILERS=-

We start this film off… wait lemme at least state that this “sequel” to the CARTOON!!! is live action >.>… some time after the main character has fallen into the rabbit hole and already experienced the (see narcotic reference above) that is ‘Wonderland’.  Though for what ever reasons (couldn’t imagine why/how) she thinks it all to be a dream.  Let me repeat… a dream.  What kind of fucked up child would dream up such a place?! Any who… so her father figure person whom we will never see again yet will be mentioned a few times later on, tells her that she is mad (no shit) but the crazies are to be looked upon kind of like message.

-Jump so many years later so that she is now 19-

On her way to what I at first assumed to be just a normal party seemed to be more of a trap for the poor girl to be snared into an engagement by some god awful British stiff who made my blood boil just having to see the prick >.>  I do find this absolutely hilarious since he’s not in the movie long, but just the site of the fellow pisses me off XD.  Sorry back to the craziness that is Tim Burton’s Alice.  While the fucktard is trying to ask for Alice’s hand in marriage, she sees the white rabbit, runs from the stiff and manages to fall back down this rabbit hole… again.  She goes through the same crap with the growing and the shrinking and the confusion and potions and the cakes till she finally manages to open the door way to ‘Underland’ or something of the sort.

Yeah, so apparently this world is named for fruit of the loom?

She meets many of the same folk she did in the cartoon, they say she’s not who they’re looking for it confuses the shit out of her, she goes for some crazy ass trip around this psychopathic world of nonsense until she meets up with this…. Only not nearly as cool and sadly makes much much less sense.  So to save on a lot of time, people try to find Alice because they think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, other people try to save and hide Alice because the think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, ends up in the Red Queens castle as a very large Alice, then ends up in the White Queens castle drinks a horrible concoction of fingers, spit (from the overly gracious White Queen herself) and god knows what else to become normal size again so that she can discover she was the Alice every one thought she was to destroy the Jabberwocky thing, then finally kills the Jabberwocky thing.  Make sense?  Yeah didn’t to me either >.<

Its like Aslan from Narnia ate too many worms from the bottom of the bottle and took a shit and voila!  Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (Underland?)

In short…

This! plus times SHOULD NOT EQUAL UP TO THIS!!!

Though give the past of all of the above  it shouldn’t surprise me at all….. blah!

Personally I’m done.  Between the complete absent connection I have with practically any one back home, and the job that has me working non-stop, though I shouldn’t complain seeing as it keeps my mind off the fact that when I attempt to talk to most any one, the conversation fall short of even a small chit chat.  It has me feeling bad for my family, they (mom) tries hard to make sure she stays in touch, but every time she does attempt it, I’m busy.  I try to keep in touch with her as well, but alas, work has me tied up.  Sadly, it has me tied up so I’m not occupied with burning desire to break something.

I can honestly say that the lack of communication between most people, and the many failed attempts at trying to reconnect with those “close” friends I held so dear, has made me lose my urge to even want to come to visit them.  I will be coming home soon… for a weekend.  In which I plan to see my family, get the remaining things I left behind, and leave.  Hell, I’m probably just being a douche in your eyes, and not seeing things for what is really going on.  I care not at this point.

Will I let any one know that I came?  Sure, after I’m gone.  Do I plan to return?  Yes, its my home.  Will I be staying….. no.

I will come home soon to see my family

Alas, I am done

Here’s what the site says about my name:

1) basicilly a kid with a huge dick. looks great, smells great, and all the ladies want him. great at sports also. great sense of humor. (some of this may be true but I still lol’d like no other)

2) Anglicized form of the Irish name Caoimhín, derived from the older Irish Coemgen, composed of the Old Irish elements coem “kind, gentle, handsome” and gein “birth”. Saint Caoimhin established a monastery in Ireland and is the patron saint of Dublin. (ok?)

3) a male that performs great intercourse on a female (really? who calls sex ‘a kevin’? Thanks I guess?)

4)v. The act of hip-thrusting. The body is positioned in such a manner in which the movement of the pelvic muscles is maximized whereas the movement of the rest of the body is minimized. The hips are then thrusted back and forth in rapid succession. See HardGay. (Hard gay really? The one just prior said doing a chick was ‘a kevin’ and now hard gay?! for fuck sakes XD)

5) A Portuguese slang for penis (so a dude preformed a kevin with his kevin?!)

6) An amazing guy who is so funny, and wonderful. Someone who can brighten anyone’s day no matter how sad they are. He’s sweet, and handsome. He can be sarcastic but he gets it from me, well some of it. He gets scared of nonscary things, and he has an amazing sense of style with wicked hair to accompany it. His smile is adorable, and his laugh is too. He smells like heaven, even though I don’t know the exact name of the cologne he uses. I can pretty much say that I’m in love with this guy, entirely. His name means more to me than it would to anyone else, and I’m pretty sure of that. (sounds bout like what I’ve heard about me =p)

7) someone who has probably porked your mom (=O)

Now tell me this isn’t some funny shit!!  I was rolling!

[moving to something serious now =D]

So I know it has been a while (Sorry Heather), but work has been pretty killer.  Moved here to Phoenix about 2 months ago now, and still working about 60 hours a week.  Pretty crazy crap yo.  Since I’ve been here I can’t say I’ve done much.  Been really stuborn and not wanting to go out unless its with my usual group (Josh, Smalley, Dwayne, Heather), and I’m like crazy pail now XD  Ugh and fuck me sideways guys, I’m doing that stereotypical blogging shit now.  Writing some useless shit as aposed to the witty humorous BS the site started off like =(.  Making me upset.  The motivation  I had and the snappy come backs and replies to shit I see out and about just aren’t coming to me. RAWR! its frustrating sitting here writing and having to pause to actually stop and attempt (and fail mind you) of something witty.  On this depressing note I’m ending this post.

[Next post is about the Oscars.  Gimme a category to talk about next post and lets see where that goes.  I'm saving the Razzies for their own post soon to come.  Def expect something good for this one (hopefully)]