The Tab

Since my request to close my tab has been denied… I figure I might as well keep the tab in work.  The Elder will not close my tab, so alas I shall continue to rack up the bill.  Enough with the lame tab joke, it was made when I started the site.  Wasn’t funny then, isn’t funny now (even if I still do giggle at the lame ass joke >.<).  So on with my point of this post….

Alas Disney has done it again… They give Tim Burton rights to a movie he should not have created.  With the hopes of him recreating Alice in Wonderland as it should be, not that crazy, fucked up, horrible acid trip with absinthe, meth, and speed… mixed with what I would assume to be cute and cuddly creatures but due to the (see list of narcotics listed prior) of shit storm cartoon Disney made many years back… We get this.  This “sequel” to the psychotic dream world of a girl who fell down a rabbit hole.  So… lets begin -_-

-=SPOILERS=-

We start this film off… wait lemme at least state that this “sequel” to the CARTOON!!! is live action >.>… some time after the main character has fallen into the rabbit hole and already experienced the (see narcotic reference above) that is ‘Wonderland’.  Though for what ever reasons (couldn’t imagine why/how) she thinks it all to be a dream.  Let me repeat… a dream.  What kind of fucked up child would dream up such a place?! Any who… so her father figure person whom we will never see again yet will be mentioned a few times later on, tells her that she is mad (no shit) but the crazies are to be looked upon kind of like message.

-Jump so many years later so that she is now 19-

On her way to what I at first assumed to be just a normal party seemed to be more of a trap for the poor girl to be snared into an engagement by some god awful British stiff who made my blood boil just having to see the prick >.>  I do find this absolutely hilarious since he’s not in the movie long, but just the site of the fellow pisses me off XD.  Sorry back to the craziness that is Tim Burton’s Alice.  While the fucktard is trying to ask for Alice’s hand in marriage, she sees the white rabbit, runs from the stiff and manages to fall back down this rabbit hole… again.  She goes through the same crap with the growing and the shrinking and the confusion and potions and the cakes till she finally manages to open the door way to ‘Underland’ or something of the sort.

Yeah, so apparently this world is named for fruit of the loom?

She meets many of the same folk she did in the cartoon, they say she’s not who they’re looking for it confuses the shit out of her, she goes for some crazy ass trip around this psychopathic world of nonsense until she meets up with this…. Only not nearly as cool and sadly makes much much less sense.  So to save on a lot of time, people try to find Alice because they think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, other people try to save and hide Alice because the think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, ends up in the Red Queens castle as a very large Alice, then ends up in the White Queens castle drinks a horrible concoction of fingers, spit (from the overly gracious White Queen herself) and god knows what else to become normal size again so that she can discover she was the Alice every one thought she was to destroy the Jabberwocky thing, then finally kills the Jabberwocky thing.  Make sense?  Yeah didn’t to me either >.<

Its like Aslan from Narnia ate too many worms from the bottom of the bottle and took a shit and voila!  Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (Underland?)

In short…

This! plus times SHOULD NOT EQUAL UP TO THIS!!!

Though give the past of all of the above  it shouldn’t surprise me at all….. blah!

OOOOOKAY!! By demand I am going to write something in today.

So I explained my first drinking incident that involved cops and all of its glory, now on to the rest of the list!  Though Heather…  I’m still not sure I can ever forgive you for it either… >=(

Any one here ever done something they regret?  And I’m not just talking “Oops…”  I am talking like “OMFG I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT!!!! I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AFTER THIS!!! I CAN’T FUNCTION PROPERLY!!! BRAIN… NOT… FUNCTIONING!!!” kind of thing?  *raises hand*  ugh…

So twilight aids… twice… -_-

You know its bad enough that the modern tween chicks(and a few guys >.<) actually got dragged into the new fad that is Twilight, but some actual adult like figures got pulled in as well.  I can’t say I understand this at all because personally, it was written horribly!  The author was writing for a simple minded audience obviously, you can tell by her writing.  It was just written terribly! Seriously, people I know personally who like this shit on paper have even agreed that it’s written poorly.  SO WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!111!one  How can so many people like this shit and admit that it is something I should wipe my ass with?! This obsession has become a fucking cult! and you can see it every where you go.  [this is where I lead into what I was actually meaning to talk about ;) ]

Heather and myself go down to Louisville to watch Pirate Radio, and holy sparkling vampires batman! The theater is full of twilight tweenies!!  FULL of them!!  I am fairly sure that I caught something just by standing off to the side trying to avoid the brainless bloodsucking sparklers.  Luckily that didn’t last too long, I was getting sick to the stomach, we were able to make it to our seats and rid ourselves of these kids.  But if this experience wasn’t enough, I had already set myself up for something FAR worse…

[incoming Jaws music] [set plot back a few days prior to movies excursion]

I am on the phone with Heather, trying to talk her into seeing pirate radio with me.  We haven’t hung out in ages, not like we used to at least, and I severely missed hanging out with one of my craziest friends.  So to ensure that we could actually hang out, with out thinking much at all, I recall her telling me her, Billy, and Janette were all going to see the new Twilight movie…  If you haven’t guessed what I just did by now I declare you moron sir/ ma’am and should be shot =D

That’s right… I fucking told her that if she goes with me I’ll go with her.  [reference: OMFG!!! stated above]  Sad part is… I went through with it.

I show up at her place day of, and every one already seems ready to go.  I enthusiastically drag my already sick carcass to the car and ride on to La Grange.  If having to go wasn’t bad enough, these fuckers were actually going to have me buy my ticket solo.  Yeah imagine this if you would:

Random guy walks in a theater with a dude and two chicks, nothing out of the ordinary.  They all get in line talking, having a good time laughing and all while waiting.  Its their turn and the one guy only buys three tickets, and gives two to the girls.  The remaining fellow walks up and says with such despair in his voice I almost didn’t laugh “One for twilight please…..”

FUCK NO!!! I made Billy give me his damn money and I got the tickets as a group.  Fucking fuck fuckers fucking making me get ONE ticket for TWILIGHT by myself… I don’t think so, bad enough I was even there! >=(

So we get the tickets and find our seat and the torture begins.  Let me please describe to you the absolute hell that I went through for two hours and thirty five minutes……

The lights dim, girls are going crazy, people are finding their seats and I notice… besides Billy, I’m not the only guy here!  Some other poor bastards got tricked into this as well! So I don’t feel as bad… at this moment.  Movie starts, and we’re given the character Bella Swan.  I will refer to her as her acting style though: EMOtionless….  This chick had the same damn look on her fucking face for the entire film.  2 1/2 hours of simply -_-   Seriously! I am not making this shit up!  We are then introduced to a few other characters that I assumed were the vampires (Dracula would roll over in his grave if he wasn’t a pile of dust), as well as the infamous Edward and Jacob.  These two characters… seemed pretty much the same to me.  Every single one of their lines were the same!

I love you EMOtionless! I’ll do anything for you EMOtionless!  I love you so much I can’t be with you now so I’m going to push you away and make you go through seizures and random fits of pain and agony EMOtionless!  Really… I just don’t know what to do at this point.  Sadly… that was the movie.  Both these guys claim to love the same girl, leave her, and make her go through some epileptic attack and shit.  I have nothing else to say for the movie.

Though I had some horrible moments where Jacob (I will call him ‘Dude w/o shirt for every time he practically appeared on scream, our mister sharkboy was shirtless) would come on and every fucking single girl in the audience would woo and possibly even the crotchal regions get damp….. and the fucking gay guy behind me would grunt something fierce. Again, I am not fucking kidding you!  I was pretty sure there was something nasty crawling down the back of my seat.  I went as far to ask and make sure nothing got on me >.<

We have an empty shell of a character as a main character who doesn’t seem to make any progression through the story, two irritably  over attractive male figures, and no plot…  So I reiterate….How can so many people like this shit and admit that it is something I should wipe my ass with?!  And why did I actually go to see this PoS on film?!

I’m going to go take a shower, just remembering this awful event makes me feel dirty with diseases

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For starters… let me state that Halloween is my absolutley favorite holdiay!  What better holiday is there for kids?  Christmas? Fuck that… Its a greedy holiday where parents run around like mad looking for gifts for ungrateful kids and has become JUST that, instead of a holiday where you are about BEING together and happy and stuff.  I know that may sound awesome coming from me but hey… I’m sentimental too so ,|,,

Any who…. Halloween, favorite holiday….

and I woke up at 4 fucking pm…. my holiday is already half lost

Now ever since I was little we have gone down to my nana and papa’s house for this holiday to trick’or’treat.  I’m not very family oriented, nor am I one for family traditions, but ones that we have ACTUALLY kept since I was a year old are hard for me to want to break.

So I get up and start getting ready to go down to louisville, and mom and dad aren’t going for no reason at all (Well they have a reason but its just as lame as not having one =P).  So I ask tyler and atleast he wants to go, Travis is at a friend and tells me he doesn’t want to go.  So before my day even begins I have pretty much my whole family bailing on me, AND!!! my day is already half over.  i’m no stranger to people bailing on me… but wow.  This is time for a very sarcastic… Awesome -_-b  <–thumbs up incase you couldn’t tell…

Then we get down there catch up thats all sweet and fun… but I saw like 3 groups of kids tick’or’treat there all night…. I was </3 (heartbroken… I know there are some dense enough people to JUST see it as a less than three….) to see this.  Why the fuck wouldn’t kids want to come out on this day of days to get candy from strangers and have fun?  A night of fun and chaos and excitement run down to literally nothing.  So that was upsetting to the heart that this is all that is left of this wonderous holiday.

Me and Tyler had plans that night to go see a movie… /was/ going to go see Vampires Assistant…. and that went to hell from ‘GO’

Called up Smalley to see if he wanted to go.  His reply was only if he could get a sitter for bug.   I knew already that wasn’t going any where.  Spent the rest of the night trying to get a hold of a guy who has TWO cell phones and got VM every time even textedhim… nothing.  Lovin the irony there right?  And suddenly I’m left with no one.  Any one else I could think of (this leaves two) either would be out clubbing or financial problems, or the other doesn’t have a car to their name to come and meet me.

So I tried to get smalley to bring bug, again knew that wouldn’t go any where.  So me and Tyler leave to go see this movie alone…. and that lil fucker decides he doesn’t want to go either.

I just got fucking bailed on by my last remainging hope… The last family member that didn’t bail on me, and he finally bails on me… in the fucking car with me!…. on the way to the fucking movies!!!

Fucking epic!

Now lests put some sugar coating on the tooth ache of a holiday…. I go home, update my facebook with a bit of a temper, turn on my new 20in monitor hook it up to my laptop and try to  finish up season 4 of the x-men… and my comp locks up.  Seriously? -_-

Calm down… count to 10… go kill something…

I make an attempt to redirect some of the aggression into a video game… Ghostbusters to be exact.  While running around New York capturing ghosts…the fucker starts to fritz out on me…  At this point I have had it.  I am not about to waist another bit of my time for something else to go wrong.

Good night and Trick’or’treat you bastards ,|,,

Sitting down watching cars pull away after getting their McMuffins and bagels with cheese, I look to my cardiac arrest on a tray listening to horribly written back of the attic 70′s hits that should never seen the light of day again. Bitter, high sodium induced calories topped with butter and syrup, seasoned fake beef or half produced sausage that taste like ass. Has America really come to a nation that of pigs that will eat anything so long as its not keeping them in the kitchen and is cheap? Sitting here a hypocrite with the rest of them as I myself down a conveniently cheap heart stopper. We humans are truly fascinating….

My name is Kevin and this is my tab… You may be wondering… “wtf… the tab?”.  Allow me to explain…

TAB (courtesy of Websters online site: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tab)

Show IPA noun, verb, tabbed, tab⋅bing.
1. a small flap, strap, loop, or similar appendage, as on a garment, used for pulling, hanging, or decoration.

2. a tag or label.

3. a small projection from a card, paper, or folder, used as an aid in filing.

4. a small piece attached or intended to be attached

5. a small flap or tongue of material

…. You know what, I think by now you get the picture (if not then direct your little mind to the link above).  This is my tab.  My little piece attached or flap of material sewn on to Theaxalon.com by millions of 1′s and 0′s.  This is my tab, my space, my piece of something to do the original thing and conform (yet again) with society and tell you all the stories I see in the world while running around this bull shit we call life.

You like what I write? cool…

You don’t?  I’ll store it in the “don’t really give a damn” folder.

So please…. walk on the dark side of the moon with me reminisce while drowning in our pool of memories and make some new ones, lets just hope its a ride to remember.

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My name is Kevin…. And this is my tab

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