The Tab

Dear Dreamworks,

Back in 2001, you put out a really good animated movie for what was what I thought impossible.  However you seemed to have realized this as well, thinking “Oh shit guys!! The public really likes this; we need to milk Shrek for everything we can!!!”  Three sequels later, and I hated you once again.  I doubted that you would ever get another good break for the animated movies.

Alas!! You have proved me wrong, and I would like to thank you.  “How to Train Your Dragon” is arguably one of the best animated films of 2010.  In fact, it has been nominated for best animated movie.  I never thought it would be possible after watching Toy Story 3 that I would think any other animated film would even have a chance.  But again, you have proved me wrong.

To be completely honest, I am torn between which I want to win the Oscar.  Toy Story went more for an adult movie feel, whereas this film definitely felt more aimed for kids.  They are on different sides of the spectrum, but both amazingly well done.  I would like to commend you on your success with this movie, but please…. DON’T FUCK THIS ONE UP BY MAKING TOO MANY SHITTY ASS SEQUALS YOU FUCKTARDS!!!

Love,

Willis

Ok so seriously, this movie is just fucking adorable, and I don’t use that word often.  It is just fantastic the emotion certain scenes push out. One scene in particular would be where the boy (Hiccup, voiced by Jay Baruchel) makes his first real attempt to connect with the dragon.  I won’t go into details as to what happens because this scene just needs to be witnessed.  It is, again, adorable.

I really need to comment on the camera angles and such.  The angles, panning, and over all “camera” work of this movie is astonishing.  The shots were great, really dig’d the music too.  Just fantastic through and through.

For all there is that is great in this movie, I can’t really find anything about this movie I really didn’t like.  I can nitpick at a few lil things, but there wasn’t a whole lot to nitpick at.  There were some things that were just “it kind of bugs me, but can easily be over looked”, and that would only really be the voice actors used for this.

Maybe it’s just me, but I have a hard time seeing Gerard Butler (300) voice acting Hiccup’s dad.  It just feels strange to me.  Not that it is bad in any way, he sounds great as the character; it just seems funny to think of him doing this role.  Other than Butler, Hiccup’s voice actor Jay Baruchel, would be the only other “nitpick”.  He isn’t bad, just doesn’t completely sound the part I suppose.  If I could change anything it would probably just be that, granted I don’t know what kind of voice Hiccup’s character really seems to call for.

Even with that said, it really isn’t terrible, just some minor little tiny things in the movie that were EASILY looked over.

I would like to note the somewhat uncanny look alike of Toothless (Hiccup’s dragon) and Stitch from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch?  Maybe it is just me, but it seriously looks like Stich a few points in the movie.  Just a random observation.

So seriously, if you haven’t seen this move, go do it! If you have kids, watch it with them, they’ll love it.  You have a girl you fancy, use this as an excuse to curl up close and watch this.  Just want to watch a cute movie, do it!  One way or another, just watch this effing movie!!!

Man, I need to find a bad movie to go ape shit on.  This is a few reviews in a row that hasn’t really been all that funny/ interesting since there wasn’t anything to make fun of or mock.  I’ll have something for you all soon though, not a review, just a rant.  Look for it soon guys.  Peace ^_^V

**This does not have spoilers as I just talk about the film in general without going into real depth, so don’t get your panties in a bind.**

In 1998, America was introduced to one of the greatest fantasy book series of my generation (HAHA suck it Twilight!).  By 2001 we were given the first cinematic installment of Harry Potter.  Anyone who had read the books squealed like a little girl and nerd-gasm’d…. no?  That was just me? Anyone?

Chris Columbus directed the “Sorcerer’s Stone” as well as the “Chamber of Secrets”, which happened to be the only two of the Harry Potter movies I liked.  His image of what he perceived this world to look like wasn’t too far off from I had imagined it to look like.  His vision as amazing, and clever, the way he laid everything out was simply spectacular.  Everything from the Dursely’s neighborhood to Diagon Alley, from Platform 9 ¾ to the Hogwart’s Castle, and anything in between.

What surprised me the most though was the cast, and how much even they looked, and acted like I would have imagined.  Columbus had out done himself in all of this.  How can you make this anymore epic then that?!  He remade an entire world practically the same as any one I have talked to would vision it themselves, what could he possibly do to make it better? I’ll tell you how!  No movie is really complete without a good soundtrack, and who better to do the music for your epic movie the fucking John Williams!!!

This man is known by all, and if they say they don’t they’re lying to you.  This is the man who has composed music for Star Wars, Jaws, Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, and Superman.  He composed music for the first three films, however his more notable song “Hedwig’s Theme” was used throughout the remaining films, and we all know you get giddy as a school girl when you hear that intro!  Williams was suppose to return for the finale of the series but the director David Yates claimed that he could not because their schedule’s didn’t align…. FUCK YOU DAVID!! WILLIAMS DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU! YOU WORK FOR HIM!! HE WILL MAKE YOUR MOVIES EPIC… and sir your first few Harry Potter films needed all the help they could get.

David Yates Directed the 5^th, 6^th, as well as part one and two of the 7^th installments.  Apparently Columbus didn’t want to continue working on the series, and to make matters worse!!!! Richard Harris (Dumbledore) passed away from Hodgkin’s disease in 2002.  This personally crushed me because I thought he was absolutely perfect for the role, alas some else would have to take up the role.  Frankly he can never be replaced, he WAS Dumbledore! Although Michael Gambon didn’t to a terrible job as Dumbledore, just a shame he had to start off in Alfonso Cauron’s “Prisoner of Azkaban”.  This movie just tore me apart!  At the time it was my favorite of the books, yet was slaughtered by this film.

Suddenly things were changed around, the house robes were no longer in the films(RAGE!!!), somehow Hagrid’s hut got relocated from a nice flat field to the side of some rocky hill (wtf?!?!), and the ghost’s were all gone (unless they were needed for convenience sake of the plot).  I mean it was bad enough no one included Peeves, but you took out ALL the fucking ghosts?!?!

After Columbus left it just seemed like no one could do the books any kind of justice, not even the actors.  The main three kids just seemed to get worse with each film, don’t believe me?  Go watch the scene in “Prisoner of Azkaban” where Harry is crying in the snow about Sirius Black… it’s painful.  When they started off all cute and little it was fine.  They were young and probably nervous about being in such a film, which I could only imagine actually helping in the first two films.  The first film they play kids who are introduced to a new world, new school, crazy things like three headed dogs and moving stair cases!  They were meant to act as nervous kids!

By the second film they’d have been through enough to get it down, and they do.  The sequel was fantastic and I thought their acting had improved a lot.  But holy shit wtf happened between the 2^nd and 3^rd film?  Things just felt either over played or down played, it was atrocious!  Nothing was down played more than the fight at Hogwarts in the 6^th movie.

This was a HUGE turning point in the story with such a nasty twist it almost made you sick! And yet David Yates managed to completely down play it like “Meh Dumbledore died (again, haha!…. I’m so going to hell for that) no big.  What? Snape is suppose to kill him? So what?  Doesn’t sound like a big deal to me”…. So I repeat

FUCK YOU DAVID!!

For some reason we kept David though for the two parter of “The Deathly Hallows” I honestly couldn’t say I was really enthusiastic about it.  With the previous 4 films not living up to their predecessor’s, I was just expecting this movie to flop.  Although being a Harry Potter fan, and this being the last of the series, I wanted to see it regardless.  I tried to fool myself thinking “Well, it’s in two parts… should give more time for content and story right?”  Sadly it also leaves more room for shenanigans and unnecessary bull shit.

So I went to the midnight release of David Yates “The Deathly Hallows”, sitting there with Josh talking about how much shit the previous films were, how I didn’t expect this to be any different, and I can feel myself becoming a target.  Midnight release of a Harry Potter film probably isn’t the best place to talk crap about said movie.  The picture eventually starts and as I’m watching the previews I was pretty sure they would be more entertaining that the movie itself.

It starts off its usual way with the camera flying through the clouds and I get a sense of nostalgia when I heard the intro start to play.  From that moment on, I was made a fool who was to eat his own words of doubt.

The film will quickly move into the action, keeping your attention from the start up till it finishes.  Our main actors and all the supporting cast were just phenomenal throughout the entire film.  Nothing seemed too over the top as they have been prior and didn’t make my cringe watching them.  The action was great, the drama felt believable, the acting improved, the story was true to the book (more so than they have been since “The Chamber of Secrets”, and the emotion was there.

I actually found myself feeling for the characters this time, they felt real.  It astonished me as to how much the three main kids improved since the previous film just a few years ago.  They didn’t seem overly dramatic, it was really nice to see them actually act and not pretend to act (there seemed to be real tears, not that scrunched up face then quickly pan away).

I still think Daniel Radcliffe is the weakest of the actors.  Emma Watson I think I would choose next as a weaker actor, however both were brilliant in this film, they still had a few scenes that it seemed as though they were trying just too hard.  It wasn’t nearly as painful as previous films and in fact was barely an issue at all.  Rupert Grint was, and has been my favorite actors since the first film.  He has been a descent actor since then, and actually has seemed to improve.  His role in this last movie as pretty spectacular compared to the other two.

The supporting casts (the little you get to see them) were just as spectacular.  Anyone who has read the books knows that this is all a pretty intense environment in every scene, and these actors give off that emotion well.  They all know what is going on, and know what is suppose to happen, and just portray it all with excellence.  Everyone seems on edge with the growing threat of Voldermort, and again, couldn’t be shown any more brilliantly than they did.

It’s rather hard for me to praise a film, as making fun of films is easy and can make better laugh material; this was still an excellent film.  This is one of the best movies that has come out in a rather long time.  I know to expect some Oscar nominations from this film, and I believe it should.  Comparatively to anything else that has come out this year, I’d say this is in my top 5 favorites of 2010. Between “The Deathly Hallows Prt 1”, “Inception”, and “Toy Story 3”, nothing really else this year stands out to me.  There was “Predators” and “The Expendables”, but they didn’t seem Oscar worthy.  Regardless This was just a fantastic film and I highly recommend it.

PS.  This movie had me in tears both times I watched it T-T

So that would be my only real complaint with this movie.  Which is strange for me…. I’m kind of lost.  I don’t know what to do right now.  I’m so use to ripping movies apart but, this was fantastic.  Its an extremely fast paste movie, which normally drives me absolutely bat shit crazy.  However this movie does it incredibly well, its comical and genious.

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Guys…. I don’t know what to do! I feel so confused and lost and conflicted and and…. and…… and *brain implodes with a lil pop followed by sizzling*

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‘Reboot’ or ‘Try Again’

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X_X

Not going to lie, I don’t want to do this.  I mean I REALLY don’t want to do this.  I despise this movie and practically everything in it.  I think instead of going through the entire movie, I will pick are particular WTF scenes and rage on them.   Alas, I’ve planned this for months (now regretting it) so here it is.  My 1 year tribute to the site, a rage review on Michael Bay’s Transformers and all its shit stained glory -_-

Que Eeyore… err, Optimus Prime >.> “Before time began, there was *brief dramatic pause* the cube” *facepalm* Apparently this cube can create worlds and life within that world.  There was a standard good vs evil war over the cube up till they lost it..  How the?! How does one lose this fucking thing?  “So hey… Optimus… you know that cube, the important one that we’ve been fighting over for years?  We kinda lost it >.>  My bad.”  GG guys… you rock \m/

Open to a chopper flying around Qatar (like I’m supposed to know where that is?(Wewtz google maps!)), where we see a group of army folks giving shit to a Hispanic character, remembering the good ‘ol days of baseball and dogs.  Ah the American dream, classy! Nice shot of the sun setting as the choppers land…. And suddenly back to what I would assume to be midday? WTF? *breathes slowly and counts to ten* it’s too early to rage, it’s too early to rage >.<  Let’s see their base! They have a lagoon!… that consists of kiddy pools and floaty devices >.> Pedobear approves? OH HEY! A lil boy… this just got really creepy.

So what I hope to be our plot decides to fly in cleverly disguised as a chopper that was already shot down… GG?  Oh look! Its sunset again! And now it’s back to 2pm.  We leave our supposed plot for the captain guy to go make a fart joke at the expense of is new born daughter, and cut back to sunset as our plot prepares to land!  Yay! 5 minutes in and I can’t tell how many days has passed… I fucking hate this movie -_- It is at this point I’m really having a hard time controlling the rage.  Every different angle they try and show this chopper in, makes it look like it’s a different time of the day wtf guys?! Get a grasp on the time you want to shoot here!!! OH GOOD!! Its suddenly night now…..

So our plot lands, goes through about 6 different times of the day in a matter of moments and… what was that? Did they really?! Omg they actually used the traditional transforming sound!  I shouldn’t be that surprised, but if they can’t keep track of time, I didn’t expect them to remember the sound! +2 nostalgia point!  So as our robot transforms… and transforms… for fuck sakes it’s still transforming… OK! Once he transforms he goes all Michael Bay on us and starts blowing shit up.  Den duh robot be all like “All ur dataz R belong to me!” and den duh military gais be all “Lawl! Denied!”

We then see our captain running from the explosions with the little local boy from earlier and… wait what?! Why is that kid still there?! Where are is his parents?!  Does pedobear approve?!  Moving on, as the robot is destroying shit and nearly steps on a random black dude (is that politically correct?), and instead of being all “OMG WTF gotta GTFO!!!” he’s all “hey cool gais, I’m gonna catch this on film!”

Yeah, that’s the first 10 minutes and nothing happened.  We had explosions, special effects, and people screaming…. HOLY SHIT!!! That kind of sums up the entire film.  Ugh, moving on to the next WTF scene…

It’s not really a WTF moment, but I want you all do try this.  Watch the scene with Burnie Mac, fast forward it and play Benny Hill.  I kid you not; you will laugh your ass off!  In fact, hell, watch the whole shit movie with Benny Hill!  It’s more entertaining

There happens to be a scene though, that above all others, makes me rage so hard it hurts!  I make it as short as possible though and explain why its…. Well…. FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

Cut to Pentagon, “Hey gais, the other team found out who attacked us! Iran!” “No way! They aren’t smart enough lawl!” >.> anyone else see an issue there? I feel that may piss some Middle Eastern people off =p.  Suddenly cut to Air Force One where we see a random radio under a chair and OMG ITS MOVING!!… what? You guys didn’t see that, the random radio that turned into a robot and is now behind that guy? Wtf chick you walked right past it and you didn’t see it?! I don’t give a rats ass about ding dongs! There is an evil little bastard robot OMG ITS IN THE ELEVATOR WITH YOU!! You’re a dumb bitch… you deserve to die… srsly.  Yeah choke on that ding dong you dumb whore.  Laugh it up there slut, while you’re munching on that ding dong that lil guy is dry humping your computer! *Sudden cut to pentagon* *Sudden cut to AF1* *Cut back to Pentagon* *Back to AF1* anyone else getting dizzy?  Can robots orgasm? I’m pretty sure that little guy just did… Technophelia what?  Really though no one sees, There you go shoot the lil bastard!  Oh of coarse he gets away!

We land Air Force One and I would hope they’re searching the plane.   Good thing the people on ground are alert so that he won’t try to escape through the landing gear hatch and stroll on into the only car that happens to not look like any other vehicle and have “Punish and Eslave” written on it.  And just for cute humor, flip them all off, because you know, it’s funny! FAWK THIS FILM!

Our story is practically nonexistent, characters are meh, and let it be known, I think the parents are the true antagonist of this movie.  Not to be thought of as the people to good guys have to fight, but like, they are my main reason for hating this film.  If we could take them completely out of the movie, I would say the movie could have been at least 30% better.  OR! Any god forsaken scene that either of the parents were included in, should have the Benny Hill theme playing and the scene should be running 2x normal speed!  They had the immature slapstick like humor any ways, why not just go the full 9 yards and play Benny Hill?!… on second thought… no… just remove them!

Fuck this piece of shit and everything that goes with it!  I can’t go any further and I’ve barely even hit half an hour.  There is just so much that pisses me off I can’t take it.  This was just a chance for Hasbro to release yet another line of toys and make millions.  I am ashamed that they let Michael Bay do this to them and not at least act like they feel bad for the fans, not once, BUT TWICE!!!  I just can’t continue to watch this film and review it.  Sorry folks… I’m calling it done.  It sucks, end of story.  I’m going to go soak my rage in some booze and do something stupid in hopes that I’ll remember to never watch the damn movie again >=O

Since my request to close my tab has been denied… I figure I might as well keep the tab in work.  The Elder will not close my tab, so alas I shall continue to rack up the bill.  Enough with the lame tab joke, it was made when I started the site.  Wasn’t funny then, isn’t funny now (even if I still do giggle at the lame ass joke >.<).  So on with my point of this post….

Alas Disney has done it again… They give Tim Burton rights to a movie he should not have created.  With the hopes of him recreating Alice in Wonderland as it should be, not that crazy, fucked up, horrible acid trip with absinthe, meth, and speed… mixed with what I would assume to be cute and cuddly creatures but due to the (see list of narcotics listed prior) of shit storm cartoon Disney made many years back… We get this.  This “sequel” to the psychotic dream world of a girl who fell down a rabbit hole.  So… lets begin -_-

-=SPOILERS=-

We start this film off… wait lemme at least state that this “sequel” to the CARTOON!!! is live action >.>… some time after the main character has fallen into the rabbit hole and already experienced the (see narcotic reference above) that is ‘Wonderland’.  Though for what ever reasons (couldn’t imagine why/how) she thinks it all to be a dream.  Let me repeat… a dream.  What kind of fucked up child would dream up such a place?! Any who… so her father figure person whom we will never see again yet will be mentioned a few times later on, tells her that she is mad (no shit) but the crazies are to be looked upon kind of like message.

-Jump so many years later so that she is now 19-

On her way to what I at first assumed to be just a normal party seemed to be more of a trap for the poor girl to be snared into an engagement by some god awful British stiff who made my blood boil just having to see the prick >.>  I do find this absolutely hilarious since he’s not in the movie long, but just the site of the fellow pisses me off XD.  Sorry back to the craziness that is Tim Burton’s Alice.  While the fucktard is trying to ask for Alice’s hand in marriage, she sees the white rabbit, runs from the stiff and manages to fall back down this rabbit hole… again.  She goes through the same crap with the growing and the shrinking and the confusion and potions and the cakes till she finally manages to open the door way to ‘Underland’ or something of the sort.

Yeah, so apparently this world is named for fruit of the loom?

She meets many of the same folk she did in the cartoon, they say she’s not who they’re looking for it confuses the shit out of her, she goes for some crazy ass trip around this psychopathic world of nonsense until she meets up with this…. Only not nearly as cool and sadly makes much much less sense.  So to save on a lot of time, people try to find Alice because they think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, other people try to save and hide Alice because the think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, ends up in the Red Queens castle as a very large Alice, then ends up in the White Queens castle drinks a horrible concoction of fingers, spit (from the overly gracious White Queen herself) and god knows what else to become normal size again so that she can discover she was the Alice every one thought she was to destroy the Jabberwocky thing, then finally kills the Jabberwocky thing.  Make sense?  Yeah didn’t to me either >.<

Its like Aslan from Narnia ate too many worms from the bottom of the bottle and took a shit and voila!  Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (Underland?)

In short…

This! plus times SHOULD NOT EQUAL UP TO THIS!!!

Though give the past of all of the above  it shouldn’t surprise me at all….. blah!