The Tab

So I get called into work due to a power outage last night. By the time I get here shits gone all sorts of wrong. Nothing to do but sit and wait for the power now.

As I sit here in this large dark building, with just the faintest lighting that gives everything an ominous look, I realize I gotta take a wicked piss.  Only lighting I have is my cell. Backlight gets turn up to its brightest setting as I walk in the dark room. Set the phone face up on the stall as I start my business.

While taking what begins to feel like the longest piss of my life, my zombie paranoia sets in. Comic relief guy goes off solo to do his thing, finds himself in a completely dark room save for the backlight of his phone. Next thing you know a zombie bursts through the stall and I’ve just become a human snack pack.

Come back to the only person who would go before me (duh black d00d), and share my lil bathroom excursion. We share some lols but my paranoia has yet to settle. The movie kick is still rolling.

We have just enough lighting to only see the outline of each other, but you can still feel the lights fading as the backup batteries are drained. The eerie background noises of fellow zombie victims walking the floor, sounds of metal rolling around, various other ominous sounds that set you on high alert.  The worst part is all these sounds are faint, barely passable as noise. Its that soft background sounds that set you on edge just before shit hits the fan.

As we discuss this our maintenance man says he can make it better by getting a wireless saw. Blackman responds with “aw hell naw, then I’m definitely gone”. I retort with “and I personally want him to last as long as he can. Once the black man goes, I’m next on the food chain”

To make it even better we have one our guys here walking around the site.  He has a distinct characteristic about him that if glanced at you quickly follow with a double take to see this man hobbling toward you with a slight limp. My mind quickly reacts with the z fear, as his outline stalks closer.

We sit around having lols trying to suppress this overacting imagination of mine as the juice from our backup batteries feeding the already dim light is fully drained. We decide to walk towards our SA area in hopes there is some lighting there.  Flashlight on and legs marching wearily forward, we pass the entrance of the datacenter… with another of our guys lounging in a chair, legs propped up on the hand rail.

My mind flashes with many different scenes that could be placed here, mostly involving body parts thrown around, hanging from various locations.  Blood all over the wall. As reality sinks back in, I join my fellow co-worker in the dark.

There are loud bangs and thunderous roars, again my cinematic imagination kicks in.  Super zombies!  Lights come on, I turn to see the floor swarming with the decaying carcasses of those who were stuck in the warehouse death trap. Images fade to an empty floor. We go to the datacenter to start powering up servers.  Another roar is sounded as power fails us, teasing us.

So many more scenes run through my head.  Maybe zombies flood the server room since our door is wide open.  Or a suspenseful scene of a body getting thrown around in a bloody mess in front of the huge data center window, just before the power goes again.  I’m filled with ideas as we walk out to the floor.

Back to where we were, only the emergency light batteries managed to charge enough to bring back our depressing and ominous scene. My mental masterpiece has reached its climax.  The scenes come flooding with possible exit strategies as well as the horrific onslaught of living dead, but alas short lived as power is restored and the work begins. Reality is back and my imagination numbed by the task at hand.  I should go to Hollywood and drop this computer stuff =P

(WARNING: VOCABULARY IN THIS STORY IS THAT OF AN AVERAGE PERSON AND NOT AS WITTY AS THE OTHERS. DON’T LIKE IT… SHOVE UP YOUR ASS PLEASE =D)

Well… I apologize for that absence. I had said I would be back and write more but that got denied due to over working. I had worked pretty much every single day since I moved here. Not a weekend off till now, so I enjoyed today by playing WoW all day =p  Any who, on to what all I had said I would write about! But first!! I shall bring you up to speed as to what was going on in my life up to my first story (November 21, 2009).

As most of you know I was in Phoenix deploying the Census site there, in mid August I was brought back home early to prepare for a mini-census thing. We learned the new system and actually got to work with the system we all helped build/ put together. Really, the only thing I learned in the week of “training” before things got serious… I’m screwed! They made me a “lead” over 3rd shift, which I find hilarious, with only two people on that shift. To make that even funnier, only one of them stayed the full time of production. So after production was done we were kept an extra week to ‘rebuild’ the site. We pulled pretty stupid hours (12+) about every day. I was fed up and asked for two weeks off when that was over (1 for seeing people before I moved, and the other week to actually move). Well that started off great because work needed someone to work that Saturday and guess who the lucky one to do that was… on his first day of vacation?! Yeah me! As if I haven’t already put enough fucking work into this project, they ask me to come in again! Being the overly nice guy I am,  I do it. Things go bad and I have to explain way too much to higher ups, which wasn’t fun, then left.

Now here is the part you all want to hear (or already have). Though for the ones that have already heard this one, know it’s worth hearing again. On my way home I decide, what the hell! Let’s go see Dwayne and his family for their early Thanksgiving dinner!

Boy am I glad I did. Best time I have had in such a fucking long time! I get there and everyone is already drinking. I say hey to everyone there and meet Dwayne’s new boyfriend (whom I thought was a cool guy at the time). After a while of hanging out, I decide to fuck it all and give mom (Dwayne’s mom rather) my keys and started drinking with them. They were playing this drinking game with a deck of cards

Rules: (if my memory serves me)

• Black 2-10 you are meant to take that many shots

• Red 2-10 you can dish out that many shots divided as you choose

• Jacks mean you can ‘Jack’ some ones card, steal it or whatever

•Queens are waterfalls (these are fun). Say you are drinking with 4 people, you get a queen. You will start drinking, then the person next to you starts, and then next to them, and so on. The catch is, you can’t stop drinking till the person before you stops drinking. =D!

• Kings are dares

•Aces, you get to make a new rule for the game

Lucky little me decides to start playing the game a fucking dare. Genius I know right?! So I am then give about an average size cup… filled with yeigher. GROSS! To make that even better, they mixed it with some beer >.< I was given 5 minutes to down that nasty concoction. Next card drawn… An ace. Guess who the prime target of this lovely new rule is? You guessed it! ME! The rule was made so that when any one else has to take a shot, I have to match it……. WTF!!! I then decide to raid whatever alcohol was left to find the weaker stuff because I knew this was going to end ugly. I found the remaining Mike’s Hard lemonade and took ownership of them, but wasn’t allowed to go all wimpy, I was also given the remaining 3 jell-o shots. This was horrible experience really. That may have been some weak stuff, but the game only lasted 30 minutes total after I joined, and I had downed all three drinks, two of the jell-o shots, and that god awful glass of Yeigher. Now remember that was all in fucking 30 minutes! That’s really a lot in a small amount of time! It takes the body an hour or so just to break down 1 drink of alcohol, and I had 3… plus a cup of Yeigher… and 2 jell-o shots. I’m fucked up by this point!

We end the game and go to Dwayne’s lil apartment thingy in the back yardish area of his parents place. There me and Dwayne’s step brother Berry have semi serious yet deep conversation about comic hero movies and other comic heroes. Over all was having a blast trying to hold this conversation that we both took very serious. You ever tried to hold a conversation while drunk, a conversation you took serious at least? It is absolutely fucking hilarious!!

So here is where things kind of go downhill for the night. There is a knocking on the door and I and Berry decide to go see who it is. For the sake of not putting people’s names in here let us just call this individual “Bitch”. She comes in; Berry and I go back to talking comics and shit and have a blast. We hear in the background that there is a cop at the end of the road waiting to arrest one of the people here (again I’m not about to point fingers or name name’s, so this person we shall just leave anonymous).

Well there went the fucking night! Right? Are you kidding me?! My life for the last 6 months has been nothing but work! Fuck yes let’s bring on the cops!! Oh wait… I’m underage… I have a government job… I’M UNDERAGE!! Meh… fuck it. Let’s see what happens =p

So I am brought into the house to try and sober up before the cop actually makes his way over to the house. While all the chaos is going on outside, I am sitting in the living room area staring at the ceiling, jaw slacked, probably drooling, but feeling great! Adrenaline is rushing through me but I’m so fucking drunk I can’t move.

Ever have those dreams where you are in the greatest state of ever and thinking nothing can bring you down, you’re on top of the world and everything it right?! Then suddenly the mountain you’re standing on is actually a volcano and it’s about to erupt… Yeah, you’re fucked. This is pretty much what happened to me. I am feeling superb! Then… out of nowhere… without a bit of warning… My entire fucking world starts to spin… and fast!!

I get up and run fast to the bathroom because we all know what’s about to happen. That volcano I mentioned a bit ago… yeah, it’s about to explode. So I’m standing in front of the god forsaken door pulling on it and pulling on it but couldn’t get it to fucking open. I’m panicking as I feel myself let it all up and vomit. I try as hard as I can to keep it all in and even put some back down (trust me, it tasted worst then is sounds >.<).

So, at this point I am so drunk that I can hear, but not process, my friends mom yelling at me “It’s a push door Kevin… Kevin push the door… Push! Damnit Kevin Push the door open!” Finally it will sink it and I open the fucking offending door. I only manage to JUST get in the bathroom before I projectile vomit all in the toilet. Luckily the seat was up and most of it went in. The sad thing is, even while throwing up chunks of god knows what, I’m laughing, which actually makes this all the more unpleasant. Dwayne’s poor mom comes in and helps clean up as I’m spewing my guts all over her porcelain shitter.

While she’s whipping the contents of my stomach off of my face I ask her if she wants to see something potentially really gross… Not waiting for an answer, I plug one nostril and blow hard out the other, and shoot tons and shit out of my nose. And then proceed to do the same for the other nostril. I could not stop fucking laughing! It was so gross it amused the absolute hell out of me!

So to wrap up this awesome hell of a night… I got drunk… realized that if this is going to get me all excited and adrenaline pumping… I really have had no fucking life for quite a while! Who cares though it was a blast! Lessoned learned though: Don’t open the door when your drunk… it could potentially ruin your night =p

For starters… let me state that Halloween is my absolutley favorite holdiay!  What better holiday is there for kids?  Christmas? Fuck that… Its a greedy holiday where parents run around like mad looking for gifts for ungrateful kids and has become JUST that, instead of a holiday where you are about BEING together and happy and stuff.  I know that may sound awesome coming from me but hey… I’m sentimental too so ,|,,

Any who…. Halloween, favorite holiday….

and I woke up at 4 fucking pm…. my holiday is already half lost

Now ever since I was little we have gone down to my nana and papa’s house for this holiday to trick’or’treat.  I’m not very family oriented, nor am I one for family traditions, but ones that we have ACTUALLY kept since I was a year old are hard for me to want to break.

So I get up and start getting ready to go down to louisville, and mom and dad aren’t going for no reason at all (Well they have a reason but its just as lame as not having one =P).  So I ask tyler and atleast he wants to go, Travis is at a friend and tells me he doesn’t want to go.  So before my day even begins I have pretty much my whole family bailing on me, AND!!! my day is already half over.  i’m no stranger to people bailing on me… but wow.  This is time for a very sarcastic… Awesome -_-b  <–thumbs up incase you couldn’t tell…

Then we get down there catch up thats all sweet and fun… but I saw like 3 groups of kids tick’or’treat there all night…. I was </3 (heartbroken… I know there are some dense enough people to JUST see it as a less than three….) to see this.  Why the fuck wouldn’t kids want to come out on this day of days to get candy from strangers and have fun?  A night of fun and chaos and excitement run down to literally nothing.  So that was upsetting to the heart that this is all that is left of this wonderous holiday.

Me and Tyler had plans that night to go see a movie… /was/ going to go see Vampires Assistant…. and that went to hell from ‘GO’

Called up Smalley to see if he wanted to go.  His reply was only if he could get a sitter for bug.   I knew already that wasn’t going any where.  Spent the rest of the night trying to get a hold of a guy who has TWO cell phones and got VM every time even textedhim… nothing.  Lovin the irony there right?  And suddenly I’m left with no one.  Any one else I could think of (this leaves two) either would be out clubbing or financial problems, or the other doesn’t have a car to their name to come and meet me.

So I tried to get smalley to bring bug, again knew that wouldn’t go any where.  So me and Tyler leave to go see this movie alone…. and that lil fucker decides he doesn’t want to go either.

I just got fucking bailed on by my last remainging hope… The last family member that didn’t bail on me, and he finally bails on me… in the fucking car with me!…. on the way to the fucking movies!!!

Fucking epic!

Now lests put some sugar coating on the tooth ache of a holiday…. I go home, update my facebook with a bit of a temper, turn on my new 20in monitor hook it up to my laptop and try to  finish up season 4 of the x-men… and my comp locks up.  Seriously? -_-

Calm down… count to 10… go kill something…

I make an attempt to redirect some of the aggression into a video game… Ghostbusters to be exact.  While running around New York capturing ghosts…the fucker starts to fritz out on me…  At this point I have had it.  I am not about to waist another bit of my time for something else to go wrong.

Good night and Trick’or’treat you bastards ,|,,