The Tab

So despite my recent announcement to go hiatus until I get caught up on all my review sites (yes I am big enough of a fan of all these reviewers to watch over 6 months of missed content!), my brother has requested a bit of a rage review.  Not of my normal kind either.  Normally I’m doing reviews of shitty movies; however it was requested for a review over the recent changes and addition to the Magic the Gather card game sets.

For those who know me well enough I have been QQ’ing over these new cards for a while now.  The classic card game that I use to love and spend countless hours in and after school playing with friends is quickly doing what Blizzard is doing to WoW (another possible review just to vent later).  Though it seems as though Wizards of the Coast is now getting to a point where it is breaking its own game and spoon feeding all the newbies to the game.

I had spent a few hours playing with a friend of my brother’s where I was introduced to a card set known as the Eldrazi.  They are colorless creatures that all share a common ability known as ‘annihilator’.  This ability has be raging every time I see these cards.  This ability has your opponent sacrifice X creatures where x is equal to the annihilator ability, whenever the creature attacks.  So you have a creature on the field that has annihilator 2, you’re opponent has to sacrifice 2 creatures before blockers can even be assigned.  No… no wizards… no.  WTF is this shit?! How can this really be countered?  With the multiphase in the combat step, I need to destroy that shit either as soon as your declare attackers, or when they come out.  Someone builds a deck of these broken fucks how will one counter that?!  What makes it worse, is you didn’t JUST leave them to only have annihilator.  You saw fit to beef them up with plenty of other fancy abilities.

Let’s bring in your mythic rare Eldrazi; Emrakul, the Aeons torn.  This bastard is a 15/15 for 15 mana.  HOLYCOWWTF THAT’S CRAZY ALREADY!!!  Sure, you can argue 15 mana is a lot and hard to get out, but lord knows that if a play plans to put this in his deck, he will have a deck built for putting these mana heave creatures out, so mana should not be an issue for a player with this in his deck otherwise they didn’t build the deck right.  Moving on, he apparently can’t be countered.  -_- really? I mean yeah, sure, I’d be pretty pissed if I used up 15 mana for this bastard and someone just “oh yeah? Two islands, counter spell, oops? TROLOLOL!”  It also has the absolutely unnecessary ability to give the owner of the card another turn directly after the turn this fuckwad is played….. WHATTHEFUCKWIZARDS??!?! FUCK YOU!!! So not only can I not counter the bastard, but I don’t even get a turn after to do anything before this “Flying protection from ALL colored spells with annihilator 6” gets to take his big 15/15 ass and stomp my ass into the floor?!  Oh and let’s not forget to mention that if by some miracle you actually manage to get rid of the fuck, he just goes directly into his owner’s library…. I mean seriously? This honestly seemed like a good idea?  Why not just take all that shit off the card and replace it with “When Emrakul, the Aeons Torn enters the battle field, its owner wins the game” because that is pretty much how I read this card.

Ugh moving on from those stupid shits, let me move on to the newer sets.  Now me personally, I was stoked to hear that WotC was bring back the Mirrodin set.  This is where I started playing magic back in ‘03/ ’04 ish.  Bringing back the artifacts and looked forward to reading the stories (I have the books from the first Mirrodin set and really liked them).  That was till I saw the ability of choice that was brought back in this set.  I’ve seen from the previous annihilator shit that Wizards should take a break from coming up with new abilities, so sure why not bring back some old abilities?  BUT WHY THE FAWK DID YOU BRING BACK POISON?!  It’s not that it’s a bad ability; in fact I actually like it. However, obviously you can’t bring ability into the game without breaking it.  In Darksteel, we were given an 11/11 with trample, indestructible, and what not.  Sure it’s arguable that this is pretty broken in itself.  However, they went and gave us a small “Easter egg” I guess you could call it.  A new artifact that is known as ‘Blightsteel Colossus’.  So this parody card (stfu I feel like they’re mocking the original Darksteel colossus) is an 11/11 for 12 mana, with trample and indestructible, and when put in graveyard from anywhere, it goes back into the owners library.  Essentially the same as the original guy, however they saw fit to spice it up and give it infect.  Infect is an ability that instead of dealing dmg through normal means, it deals its dmg as -1/-1 counters.  So when he deals dmg to a player the player takes 1 poison counter per dmg it would normally do, when a player reaches 10 counters, that player loses…… so let me get this straight, they put infect on an INDESTRUCTIBLE creature with TRAMPLE that happens to also be an 11/11.  Now this isn’t nearly as broken as the annihilator fucks but still!! C’mon Wizards, you’re breaking your own game putting these ability combo’s together.

It has also reached my ears that you are changing a classic mechanic.  Rather, you’re completely removing a mechanic that (as far as I know) been in the game since it began.  Mana burn.  You’re honestly getting rid of mana burn?  Why would you get rid of this?!  There is no other reason that I can think, other than that the newbie players and complaining and whining about this?  For those who do not know, when tapping for mana, you are given mana to your ‘mana pool’ per land you tap.  1 mana per land, if you end up say, tapping for 6 mana, and only end up using 4 mana for a spell, you are then dealt two damage to your life, since you had two mana left over.  It’s a mechanic that I honestly feel, forces a player to think about what they’re doing prior to actually playing the cards.  With only 20 life, every life counts, especially now that the game is becoming ever broken.  But you honestly see fit to remove this mechanic?  Wtf is it with these great games that have been going on for years, deciding that the best way to carry on is to break their own damn game?!

It’s just a load of bull shit.  Sadly it’s not just down to Wow and WotC.  I find that most games in general these days are just lacking what games use to have.  Sad to say but the golden age of video games is officially over.  Another rant another day I suppose.  Peace folks -_-V

Wanna start off saying, sorry it has been so long, and sorry this is going to be a rather short post.  Just recently moved into my own place after living with a buddy for a few months and just didn’t feel I could dedicate as much time and effort into Th3T4b as I would have liked while living there, however now that I am back on my own, hopefully I’ll be able to start writing a little more as things progress.

Alrighty now so onto the topic at hand and reason for writing tonight!  I have been dreaming for quite some time to take a backpacking trip across some of Europe.  Thought I would break it into different sections different years and just save up for my entire life and this all still just be a dream.  Any who, I decided that if I were ever to take a trip through Europe, I’d start and get the bigger part out of the way first.  Come in to Lisbon, Portugal and work my way up to some place like Paris or something (again all just speculating on what I wish I could do).  So for shits and giggles I hop onto Google maps to check the distance.  Decide, “Hey Google has a walking ‘guide’ thing option, lets see how Google would get me to Paris =D”  apparently Google Just wants you to drown in the Bay of Biscay…..

I have gotten wind of something you are doing.  Something that I find absolutely ridiculous.  You are apparently threatening those who live within your area to make their grass green, at all cost!  I think you are stupid, and would like to point out some obvious facts you must have over looked.

1)      YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING DESERT YOU MORONS!!!!

2)      It doesn’t really rain a lot here to make your grass green year round.

3)      It happens to get over 110 degrees rather frequent in the summer.

4)      YOU ARE IN THE FUCKING DESERT!!!!!

After watching the news review on this matter, I’m not sure which is worse.  You’re dictatorship of these people to make their grass green, even at the expense of painting it green, or that this FUCKING TARD!!! didn’t know that grass died out here.  I would like to point that dumb bitch to my first and fourth point as to why you all are stupid idiots.  HOW CAN YOU NOT THINK GRASS WOULD DIE HERE!!!! You’re a stupid bitch… all there is to that one.

Seriously though, you would have these people make their grass green at all cost, even if it meant painting, I repeat PAINTING!!! their grass green…..

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I am speechless.  You’re a fucktard. End of story.  Good day dipshit!

Respectfully Submitted,

-W

So Imagine, if you will, that it is late at night.  You’re walking the streets of downtown %insert closest city name here% and you happen to hear some noises up ahead.  Listening carefully, it sounds like a mass of footsteps (however sounds slightly strange, more like they’re dragging their feet), some groaning (orgy… what?!), and something about brains (…… I got nothing).  Wondering what is going on you run up ahead and take a quit turn around the corner and HOLY WALKING DEAD BATMAN!!!! a giant mob of humanoid figures swarming towards you!

Flesh from the teeth, organs swaying in the wind, rotted faces, smell of decomposition wafting in the air, hobbling its way to you with its right arm being held by the left, and an eternal appetite that can’t be satisfied.  May remind you of an ex-girlfriend!

So this night may have very well been one of the most interesting nights I have ever witnessed.  A crowd well in the hundreds, dressed up as zombies, roaming the streets of down town Phoenix!  I can’t think of a cooler way to start off my Halloween weekend.

Something that made me lol like no other, was the fact that this was also the same night as the La Lakers and PHX Suns game (Here in Phoenix XD!!!).  The path even went around the stadium!  Those people from La must think we’re a city full of weirdo’s!  And can you imagine the reaction from the people trying to make their way to the stadium and having to fight a crowd of ZOMBIES!  The poor souls stuck in stuck in traffic, now late for the big NBA game, innocent by standards getting washed away in the horde of costumed freaks.  It was simply epic!

They were even getting police escorts around town, roads getting blocked for this massive crowd of undead.  Though on that note, I actually talked to one of the cops (it was a cop on a bicycle so I’m not sure if his opinion really matters XP ) and you could tell he wasn’t too thrilled about it.  Simply asked the guy what he thought of this event, and I got an answer like he had been rehearsing it all week.  Granted the guy has probably been asked the same question a lot throughout the night, but whatever.

To make the night even more epic though, they had a place where everyone met up at after the walk was over, and had tons more entertainment going on.  Live music (kind of jazzy =D ), Classic horror silent films, those giant inflatable slides and bouncy things for the kids (granted at this point they were probably glued to their parents sides terrified they’d be eaten), and some strange little train thing for the happy meals… err children, that just drove around in circles or into unsuspecting citizens.

Granted this has also been an educational night for me.  I learned quite a few things today like:

1)      You should put a waypoint or something on the maps of that smartphone you happen to carry around so you don’t wonder the entire city trying to remember where you parked >.<

2)      Knowing you’re going to be walking all over town you should be smarter and wear more comfortable shoes… with support, and padding… not chucks

3)      Bringing a jacket “just in case” is stupid! You’re in the fucking desert moron!

4)      When (notice I’m not saying if) the zombie apocalypse strikes, shoot yourself.  There is no way to survive it!!! (not here at least)

I state number four because of what I saw tonight.  If we were to break out in full blown resident evil here in Phoenix, there would be no way to escape it!  The numbers of the group just tonight was astonishing when you see said group actually cramped in the city streets.  I witnessed hundreds of people stuffed in these streets and a small sense of panic started to come over me!

If this hits here, the streets will be filled with numbers way beyond what was seen tonight.  Then people trying to escape the city would flood the roads (as would our zombie friends) so accidents on any road out of the city are inevitable, so there goes any way really out.  You’re not about to try and make your way out on foot, not with those numbers that we have here.  You’d be lucky to last 5 minutes.  I could imagine trying to stay in your house, but that would be short lived as they ram through your door and flood your place……

I am now rambling, but it brings up the fact I have some serious work to do on my Z plans… All of them!! >.<  (Yes I have many survival plans in the case of a zombie outbreak (don’t judge))

Pictures have been uploaded to the Facebook Page as well as some videos.  I see no need in linking since the only people that I’m aware of that read this are already subscribed to that page =p