The Tab

So despite my recent announcement to go hiatus until I get caught up on all my review sites (yes I am big enough of a fan of all these reviewers to watch over 6 months of missed content!), my brother has requested a bit of a rage review.  Not of my normal kind either.  Normally I’m doing reviews of shitty movies; however it was requested for a review over the recent changes and addition to the Magic the Gather card game sets.

For those who know me well enough I have been QQ’ing over these new cards for a while now.  The classic card game that I use to love and spend countless hours in and after school playing with friends is quickly doing what Blizzard is doing to WoW (another possible review just to vent later).  Though it seems as though Wizards of the Coast is now getting to a point where it is breaking its own game and spoon feeding all the newbies to the game.

I had spent a few hours playing with a friend of my brother’s where I was introduced to a card set known as the Eldrazi.  They are colorless creatures that all share a common ability known as ‘annihilator’.  This ability has be raging every time I see these cards.  This ability has your opponent sacrifice X creatures where x is equal to the annihilator ability, whenever the creature attacks.  So you have a creature on the field that has annihilator 2, you’re opponent has to sacrifice 2 creatures before blockers can even be assigned.  No… no wizards… no.  WTF is this shit?! How can this really be countered?  With the multiphase in the combat step, I need to destroy that shit either as soon as your declare attackers, or when they come out.  Someone builds a deck of these broken fucks how will one counter that?!  What makes it worse, is you didn’t JUST leave them to only have annihilator.  You saw fit to beef them up with plenty of other fancy abilities.

Let’s bring in your mythic rare Eldrazi; Emrakul, the Aeons torn.  This bastard is a 15/15 for 15 mana.  HOLYCOWWTF THAT’S CRAZY ALREADY!!!  Sure, you can argue 15 mana is a lot and hard to get out, but lord knows that if a play plans to put this in his deck, he will have a deck built for putting these mana heave creatures out, so mana should not be an issue for a player with this in his deck otherwise they didn’t build the deck right.  Moving on, he apparently can’t be countered.  -_- really? I mean yeah, sure, I’d be pretty pissed if I used up 15 mana for this bastard and someone just “oh yeah? Two islands, counter spell, oops? TROLOLOL!”  It also has the absolutely unnecessary ability to give the owner of the card another turn directly after the turn this fuckwad is played….. WHATTHEFUCKWIZARDS??!?! FUCK YOU!!! So not only can I not counter the bastard, but I don’t even get a turn after to do anything before this “Flying protection from ALL colored spells with annihilator 6” gets to take his big 15/15 ass and stomp my ass into the floor?!  Oh and let’s not forget to mention that if by some miracle you actually manage to get rid of the fuck, he just goes directly into his owner’s library…. I mean seriously? This honestly seemed like a good idea?  Why not just take all that shit off the card and replace it with “When Emrakul, the Aeons Torn enters the battle field, its owner wins the game” because that is pretty much how I read this card.

Ugh moving on from those stupid shits, let me move on to the newer sets.  Now me personally, I was stoked to hear that WotC was bring back the Mirrodin set.  This is where I started playing magic back in ‘03/ ’04 ish.  Bringing back the artifacts and looked forward to reading the stories (I have the books from the first Mirrodin set and really liked them).  That was till I saw the ability of choice that was brought back in this set.  I’ve seen from the previous annihilator shit that Wizards should take a break from coming up with new abilities, so sure why not bring back some old abilities?  BUT WHY THE FAWK DID YOU BRING BACK POISON?!  It’s not that it’s a bad ability; in fact I actually like it. However, obviously you can’t bring ability into the game without breaking it.  In Darksteel, we were given an 11/11 with trample, indestructible, and what not.  Sure it’s arguable that this is pretty broken in itself.  However, they went and gave us a small “Easter egg” I guess you could call it.  A new artifact that is known as ‘Blightsteel Colossus’.  So this parody card (stfu I feel like they’re mocking the original Darksteel colossus) is an 11/11 for 12 mana, with trample and indestructible, and when put in graveyard from anywhere, it goes back into the owners library.  Essentially the same as the original guy, however they saw fit to spice it up and give it infect.  Infect is an ability that instead of dealing dmg through normal means, it deals its dmg as -1/-1 counters.  So when he deals dmg to a player the player takes 1 poison counter per dmg it would normally do, when a player reaches 10 counters, that player loses…… so let me get this straight, they put infect on an INDESTRUCTIBLE creature with TRAMPLE that happens to also be an 11/11.  Now this isn’t nearly as broken as the annihilator fucks but still!! C’mon Wizards, you’re breaking your own game putting these ability combo’s together.

It has also reached my ears that you are changing a classic mechanic.  Rather, you’re completely removing a mechanic that (as far as I know) been in the game since it began.  Mana burn.  You’re honestly getting rid of mana burn?  Why would you get rid of this?!  There is no other reason that I can think, other than that the newbie players and complaining and whining about this?  For those who do not know, when tapping for mana, you are given mana to your ‘mana pool’ per land you tap.  1 mana per land, if you end up say, tapping for 6 mana, and only end up using 4 mana for a spell, you are then dealt two damage to your life, since you had two mana left over.  It’s a mechanic that I honestly feel, forces a player to think about what they’re doing prior to actually playing the cards.  With only 20 life, every life counts, especially now that the game is becoming ever broken.  But you honestly see fit to remove this mechanic?  Wtf is it with these great games that have been going on for years, deciding that the best way to carry on is to break their own damn game?!

It’s just a load of bull shit.  Sadly it’s not just down to Wow and WotC.  I find that most games in general these days are just lacking what games use to have.  Sad to say but the golden age of video games is officially over.  Another rant another day I suppose.  Peace folks -_-V