The Tab

Since my request to close my tab has been denied… I figure I might as well keep the tab in work.  The Elder will not close my tab, so alas I shall continue to rack up the bill.  Enough with the lame tab joke, it was made when I started the site.  Wasn’t funny then, isn’t funny now (even if I still do giggle at the lame ass joke >.<).  So on with my point of this post….

Alas Disney has done it again… They give Tim Burton rights to a movie he should not have created.  With the hopes of him recreating Alice in Wonderland as it should be, not that crazy, fucked up, horrible acid trip with absinthe, meth, and speed… mixed with what I would assume to be cute and cuddly creatures but due to the (see list of narcotics listed prior) of shit storm cartoon Disney made many years back… We get this.  This “sequel” to the psychotic dream world of a girl who fell down a rabbit hole.  So… lets begin -_-

-=SPOILERS=-

We start this film off… wait lemme at least state that this “sequel” to the CARTOON!!! is live action >.>… some time after the main character has fallen into the rabbit hole and already experienced the (see narcotic reference above) that is ‘Wonderland’.  Though for what ever reasons (couldn’t imagine why/how) she thinks it all to be a dream.  Let me repeat… a dream.  What kind of fucked up child would dream up such a place?! Any who… so her father figure person whom we will never see again yet will be mentioned a few times later on, tells her that she is mad (no shit) but the crazies are to be looked upon kind of like message.

-Jump so many years later so that she is now 19-

On her way to what I at first assumed to be just a normal party seemed to be more of a trap for the poor girl to be snared into an engagement by some god awful British stiff who made my blood boil just having to see the prick >.>  I do find this absolutely hilarious since he’s not in the movie long, but just the site of the fellow pisses me off XD.  Sorry back to the craziness that is Tim Burton’s Alice.  While the fucktard is trying to ask for Alice’s hand in marriage, she sees the white rabbit, runs from the stiff and manages to fall back down this rabbit hole… again.  She goes through the same crap with the growing and the shrinking and the confusion and potions and the cakes till she finally manages to open the door way to ‘Underland’ or something of the sort.

Yeah, so apparently this world is named for fruit of the loom?

She meets many of the same folk she did in the cartoon, they say she’s not who they’re looking for it confuses the shit out of her, she goes for some crazy ass trip around this psychopathic world of nonsense until she meets up with this…. Only not nearly as cool and sadly makes much much less sense.  So to save on a lot of time, people try to find Alice because they think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, other people try to save and hide Alice because the think she is here to destroy this Jabberwocky thing, ends up in the Red Queens castle as a very large Alice, then ends up in the White Queens castle drinks a horrible concoction of fingers, spit (from the overly gracious White Queen herself) and god knows what else to become normal size again so that she can discover she was the Alice every one thought she was to destroy the Jabberwocky thing, then finally kills the Jabberwocky thing.  Make sense?  Yeah didn’t to me either >.<

Its like Aslan from Narnia ate too many worms from the bottom of the bottle and took a shit and voila!  Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (Underland?)

In short…

This! plus times SHOULD NOT EQUAL UP TO THIS!!!

Though give the past of all of the above  it shouldn’t surprise me at all….. blah!